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Anger
Moving on to the next stage is anger. It is completely normal for there to be anger between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse. You may feel anxious and upset, especially if you thought things were secure and stable in your marriage.
Divorce is a an extremely emotionally taxing process and it takes so much mental labor to endure it. There can be a lot of pain and fear of the unknown and how you will move on in life. Some of the first things people who are divorcing become frantic about are their kids, their social status, or their finances and assets.
You will, most likely, have a lot of questions that you can’t answer by yourself. This can trigger you to become resentful about the entire situation, but with time you don’t have to be. Seeing a specialist to help guide you through this process can be very beneficial, whether you are the person initiating the divorce or the person on the opposite end.
Bargaining
The next stage for most is bargaining. During this stage, many people who are not ready to accept the divorce become scared of what their life looks like without the other person. However, it is important to understand that no matter how much you want it to work, if the other person has thrown in the towel, you have to muster up the confidence to stand on your own and agree to walk away.
While bargaining may be okay before the two of you settle on a divorce, it can be a tiring and toxic situation to be in once you’ve committed to divorcing.
Guilt
Guilt usually follows the bargaining stage. We may look at ourselves and wonder how we let this situation happen, or try to find a million reasons or scenarios for how we could have stopped it.
If the divorce is in fact your fault because of an infidelity or another negative reason, it is important to own up to your part of any actual mistakes you may have made. However, it is also important to not let someone blame things on you or get you to take responsibility for things that were entirely out of your control.
The guilt stage can be especially hard for those with children, but it’s essential to maintain your confidence and hold your head high during this time. With this stage comes feelings of sadness and depression which is very normal, but you have to work through it.
Acceptance
The last stage is acceptance. Once you truly accept the situation for what it is in its entirety, you start to feel relief and regain your confidence in yourself. It’s not about refusing to let someone you love go. It’s a matter of loosening ties that are no longer healthy for you and bring painful memories.
It’s about sorrow and empowerment, allowing your innate strength and resilience to help you grow into who you were made to be. This doesn’t mean that you don’t still have some ill feelings towards the other person, but it does mean that you have recognized things for what they are and moved on.
Recognizing these stages of your divorce will make the most sense in hindsight. However, they are still helpful to identify during the divorce, so you have a sense that your process is normal; these are steps that most people go through during a divorce experience.
Staying Confident and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem during Arguments
One of the most crucial times that it is important to maintain your self-esteem and confidence is during an argument with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Arguments can become dirty and ugly. You or the other person can start to unravel and say hurtful things that you have been feeling or harboring in your mind.
To maintain your self-esteem and confidence, here are some things to remember and hold on to during any argument.
Know the other person’s fighting style. If you know that your soon-to-be ex-partner is inclined to throw low blows or hit below the belt to get their points across, protect yourself and ask them not to do that. Stand up for yourself and don’t allow yourself to be bullied or talked down upon during an argument.
Put everything into context. Don’t internalize things about yourself that you know aren’t true. It is important to have a real connection with yourself and to not let anyone project negative feelings on to you. Don’t devalue yourself.
Try not to attack the other person with mean or hateful words, even if that is how you are feeling in the moment. Chances are they will retaliate and try to be equally as harmful.
Know when to step away and when to resume. Knowing when to step away can help you stay in control of yourself and keep your cool during an agreement. If you know that you are prone to shut down, do yourself a favor and remove yourself from the situation until you can gain composure.
Try not to be passive-aggressive during an argument. Doing this blurs the lines of communicating the points you want to come across, and it also places your true feelings on the back burner. When you communicate directly and tackle a subject head-on, you come across as confident and clear.
Overall, keeping your self-esteem and confidence intact during an argument requires you to be compassionate and gentle with yourself, while also being firm in whatever it is that you are arguing about. Having good self-esteem also requires that you respect yourself and your morals enough that you won’t let what someone says about them change them.
Don’t let your partner’s criticisms of you make you feel like you are “less than.” Love yourself enough to know when things are not worth arguing about any further.
Staying Confident When Your Spouse Is Leaving You for Someone Else
Although it is heartbreaking to think about, divorce can bring marriages to an end for several reasons. What’s particularly unfortunate is finding out that your spouse might be leaving you to go be with someone else.
Other Details- 1 Ebook (DOC), 11 Pages
- 1 Ecover (PSD, JPG)
- Year Released/Circulated: 2020
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